I'm Baaaaaccckkkk!!!
Okay, in case it wasn’t obvious already, i’m back!
After deciding to take an indefinite break from blogging following the birth of my precious mini-me, I think it’s time to get back in the game. More so because I’m in that head space where I’m constantly questioning the things I do/have done in my life so far - am I leaving a legacy that my children can be proud of?! What will people say about me at my funeral? What the heck am I currently doing with my life and is it worth it??
Although these thoughts may seem a bit bleak to some people, I think it’s absolutely necessary to ask ourselves these questions at least throughout the year and check that we are still on track, still living on purpose for a purpose, one day at a time.
Motherhood, wifehood, working life has been so, so, so all-consuming that I’m afraid I may have lost a little part of me at some point in the midst of all that. Motherhood is life-changing; that goes without saying. Wifehood is…where do I start?! I’ll say this just once - when you get married, if you are thinking of getting married, if you are on the verge of getting married, you better know exactly why you are getting married. Because it is nothing like your imagination is probably telling you it is. In fact, strip away every expectations you have about marriage, romance, etc before you get carried over the threshold or vice versa! Marriage is fire; be prepared to go through the fire because that’s the only way you can be transformed hopefully into a better you! Anyway, that’s another blog post there!
In reflection, I remembered why I had started this blog in the first place which I blogged about here. I wanted to keep fresh in my mind that the things I do/achieve in spite of my hearing loss, were not for me to take for granted or take all the glory. I remembered when I first came to the UK with my Daddy shortly after losing my hearing and we stayed in Scotland to see a hearing specialist and one day, Daddy wrote me a letter for me to read (he and Mummy have always written me letters to tell me about something detailed on their mind and because of my hearing loss, they write it down to make sure I get it completely). I don’t remember the contents of the letter but there’s one thing I have never been able to forget (though not verbatim) - in the letter, he said something along the lines of he believed without a doubt that one day, God would restore my hearing.
So for the years that followed, that was always somewhere in the shadows of my mind, popping up once in while during moments of feeling down about my lack of hearing. When I was going through the period of being implanted, I used to wonder, is this implant the healing that my Daddy believes will be mine one day? I think because of that, I had certain expectations about my very first Switch-On. Needless to say, over the years as a Bionic Woman, I have become more and more convinced that I am healed. And along those lines, God has been stripping away my expectations of that healing. I don’t think I’m quite there yet, but I’m getting there by His grace.
I hope this time, I won’t let go again and I won’t forget why I am me, why I am here in this world. Because no matter whether I live for 5 more years or 50 more years, I want to know and be sure in my heart that I’m living on purpose. That’s the only way to live.
Doose